Hello dear family & friends! It's been a long time..

So many blessings to be thankful for!! I have the most wonderful family. I am so grateful for my brothers and sisters and their spouses and children. Without all of them I wouldn't know the true meaning of the word Love. My siblings and I may not speak every day, but I think of each of them all the time. I treasure my friendship with each one of them so much. One day I hope there will be some miracle to make it easier to see each other more often. Maybe I'll win the lottery? ;]

I was kind of a Grinch through the holiday season and I can't really say why. I realized it when I was getting a diet coke at the Chevron on Christmas Eve and I complained to the cashier about the "annoying" Christmas music playing on the radio. He looked at me and said: "I don't mind it at all". Needless to say I walked out of there thinking, what is wrong with me! ha Looking back its funny but that night I was truly confused as to why I was missing that Christmas Spirit. I later realized, and even more so now that I had been so concerned about myself. I wasn't too excited for Christmas having recently gone through a break up. In the back of my head everyday I kept dreading my birthday that was coming up just ten days after Christmas. Who knew the big 26 would be so daunting? Wow, that was a lot "I's" if you didn't notice. Good thing I finally did! I am so grateful that the most infinite spirit has finally found me. Or maybe it's because I finally faced the fact that it was time to quit being stubborn and just let myself smile a little.

The most Wonderful part of 2011 was my Grandmother Bessie moving into our home in Elk Ridge. It brings me to tears just thinking about her. She is the most spiritual woman I have ever known. I have been delighted to be able to do her hair for her each week. Although I still get so nervous! She wears in unlike any woman I've ever seen. It's beautiful. She likes it all to be curled up, not down or back. During these special times I get with her each weekend and on week days I get to hear so many stories. I LOVE it!! I feel so much closer to her now. She makes me a stronger person just by living. Some of my most favorite stories she tells are about my Grandpa John. Whom she always refers to as "oh that ol' cowboy"! I have learned so much from her these past months. Life is not always going to be what we expect. We are going to have to make changes and pick ourselves up after we fail. That is the beauty of living!

Looking back at this past year, it seems as though I have taken so many different paths. The most important thing is that I'm so happy with where I am right now. My life is full of love and friendship and for that I couldn't be any happier! Next Sunday I have decided to force myself to go to the singles ward.. ugh! This will be the first time in years. Wish me luck! ;]

To be continued...

Take a deep breath..

Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

Here I am, two weeks left of this semester. Still have finals.papers.meetings.projects. I'm getting there. This past year I have felt a roller coaster of emotions. I am so happy to be where I am today. So many decisions to make. Every day.. more choices. When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe you will be successful. Digressing is not an option. We each have the same amount of time with 365 days to do with it what we choose.

Today I am happy to be alive.

Checking In

I have been Crazy busy lately! It's definitely a great thing. I'm still in college full time. Getting ready to end this semester! I have a huge paper I'm doing for English right now on my definition of marriage. I love this class so much but it has been a challenge, in a good way. It's funny cause the class I'm really struggling with is guitar and I thought it would be cake! I'm instructing more at the beauty school, which I love. I have been getting busier at the Salon so that is fabulous! I have some AWESOME news!! As most of you know (whoever looks at my blog that is! ha) my parents are serving an LDS mission in Chile. My dad is in charge of the auditing for their region in Chile. They received a letter explaining that there is a new method of how auditing will be done. Which means the church is holding a conference in SALT LAKE CITY and are flying my parents over for it!! I am so excited/ecstatic to see my parents!! They are the most amazing people in this world!! To add a cherry on top, I'm going with my sister to Arizona for Thanksgiving! So now I'm just trying to stay caught up on all my homework before I leave. I can't wait to see my brothers and my sister in laws and all the kids! I love hanging out with my family. There is nothing better! Don't worry, I will inform you of all the adventures! ;]

happiness.. it's real!

I LOVE my family!! Seriously how is it possible to be blessed with the most special people as my family members? Today was a long anticipated day that I really wanted to be over with. A few weeks ago I had gotten a phone call from my brother. I was totally taken off guard because as I was talking to my brother Eric, I realized it was really the Bishop calling to talk to me! (yes my brother is my Bishop :) He asked if I'd speak in our ward. I was in complete shock. I seriously couldn't answer him. I just sat there on the phone in silence. Thinking he can't really think I can do this right? Then he said, Jolayne you will do a great job, I know you will. I was like he is serious! haha So anyway of course I accepted setting all fear aside. Well, attempting to set all fear aside. I couldn't help the fact that I panick, worry and stress out about every little detail of everything I do. I spent so much time trying to prepare for it. Searching all different talks and trying to find the exact information I wanted to cover. I found some great insights and I'm so happy it's over with. This really was an amazing opportunity for me to learn, study and grow. I'm so grateful Eric had faith in me that I could do it. He didn't doubt me for a minute, I still can't believe it. I know many people probably don't get as scared as I was but I really feel so good that I did it! I was so excited because my sister Christa came with her whole family. I couldn't believe she came at 9 in the morning from SLC with her husband and 3 little ones. I love her so much! My family is always there for me giving support and no cost. I am truly blessed. I hope they all know I am here just the same! I felt the presence of my mom and dad there in the congregation. It was the strangest thing. But it really helped me feel comforted and confident. I am so grateful for this church and the Gospel!! It can only bring HAPPINESS to our lives! I love my Savior so much. I am so grateful to be on the road I am on and learning these amazing lessons that I will have with me my whole life. Here are a few pictures from today. Enjoy!


pic #1.. My sis Christa always does something random when I'm trying to take a picture! Little sneak ;)

Changing of the seasons, I love Autumn!

I love being outside. Whether it's sunny, rainy, cloudy, overcast.. being outside makes me happy :] This colorful sunrise was at 6am when me and my beehives were getting ready to to go girls camp this summer.

My brother Eric and his family and I went camping up Payson Canyon this summer. We saw the most beautiful sunsets and it was absolutely gorgeous during the day.

This was at Payson Lakes, it was gorgeous! We were in the canoe fishing and we saw a bear on the shore! I think I was the most scared :]



I usually take the long drive home when I come home from school. It's so pretty out here. I have taken so many pictures of the views I have just on my drive home cause it's beautiful!





These pictures I took the other day when a rainstorm we were having took a little break. I love the coloring of the leaves with the yellow and green. Autumn is beautiful! I think the changing of the seasons is such a beautiful thing to watch. I love when the leaves fall but there are still some on the trees, so pretty!






I am so grateful for all the beauty on the earth, it truly brings a smile to my face. We live really close to the Great Salt Lake and I go there any chance I get cause it's so peaceful. Unfortunately I don't have a picture to share! Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

My Plan

Where is my place, where should I be, what is my purpose, should I be doing things differently, why do I feel I don't belong anywhere.. these are questions and thoughts I often ask myself. They are hard to admit to other people because I want to be strong. I want to be someone with a plan. Someone who has and knows their own direction. I wish this were easier for me. Life is such a conquest. I'm doing and trying everything I possibly can to be a better person. I try so hard to keep an eternal perspective and remember my purpose. Sometimes it's just so hard. I feel so lost sometimes I feel like why am I even here? I'm doing great things in my life that I never thought would be possible. I just need to recognize where I have been and where I am now and be so grateful for the miracle I have witnessed in my life. When I spoke my feelings out loud last night the words that were said back to me were so endearing. I need to remember I have come so unbelievably far from where I was at the beginning of this year. I am actually living and trying to embrace my life rather than be numb to everyone and everything in it. Some days its so hard to get myself out of bed. My nephews have even commented sometimes how I hide out in my room. It's so embarrassing but I know I need to hear it, even from my sweet 5 year old nephew. So I obviously still struggle with facing life as much as I hate to show it. I want to be strong like my family members and make my parents and brothers and sisters proud. Everyone has had so much faith in me and it's made my own faith in myself so much stronger. I would not be trying to live my life if it weren't for them. I am truly blessed to be here and I know it. I know my Father in heaven loves me and wants me to hold on and trust in Him. I had to leave my whole life behind in Logan. Work, friends, my town house I lived in.. I sold my car, got rid of my Iphone.. I really can't say that it was all a "sacrifice". This experience has taught me that materialistic things are really not important. I had to do it to save my life. Without my family it would have never happened. After a really hard night last night I am just so grateful that my family doesn't look at me like a failure. I can wake up in the morning and force myself to get ready and know that there is someone who believes in me. These are all thoughts that are stuck in my head, I'm just trying to get out of this low I've been stuck in. We all struggle in one way or another, I know that one day we will overcome. It's all about patience.

Real Life

I love to read novels. This is one I just finished. If you love your ancestry like I do and you're Irish or English you will love this book. And a major plus is if you love horses! A lot of the spare time I have I end up with my nose in a book not caring about much else. I love being so taken in by a great story. When you just can't set your book down. When you are gone for work or school for the day you just can't wait to get some time to just forget about "Real Life". That's when I dive right back into a story that has struck my life in someway and left an impact. Sometimes I feel it can be a bad thing because it's easy to lose your self in a book and mindlessly forget about putting effort forth to be social in your actual life. {Anyone who knows me knows I'm really bad at this!} This is going to sound corny but honestly I am not a character in one of my books! I feel so much like them sometimes that it seems real. When I'm so involved in a great read I compare it to my life in different aspects. It changes my view sometimes on what I think might really happen to me. I think it can be good and bad. Most importantly I just have to remember that I have no control over what someone else said or does. People are going to disappoint you and you may even disappoint yourself sometimes. That is the beauty of life, we don't know what is going to happen! Some people like me that might feel like not knowing the future is a heavy burden and it causes you to stress and worry cause you're not sure how to be prepared for the unknown. That's why books are so liberating because you can just escape and forget about the day to day anxiety you feel about things. It's so important to always remember that we all have a purpose. We are each special in our own way and give meaning to life that we don't even realize. We are ALL apart of the plan. I'm so grateful for amazing writers who have the talent to draw my mind away from the things of the world and help me feel uplifted. I just have to remember to enjoy my "Real Life" at the same time. :)