Checking In

I have been Crazy busy lately! It's definitely a great thing. I'm still in college full time. Getting ready to end this semester! I have a huge paper I'm doing for English right now on my definition of marriage. I love this class so much but it has been a challenge, in a good way. It's funny cause the class I'm really struggling with is guitar and I thought it would be cake! I'm instructing more at the beauty school, which I love. I have been getting busier at the Salon so that is fabulous! I have some AWESOME news!! As most of you know (whoever looks at my blog that is! ha) my parents are serving an LDS mission in Chile. My dad is in charge of the auditing for their region in Chile. They received a letter explaining that there is a new method of how auditing will be done. Which means the church is holding a conference in SALT LAKE CITY and are flying my parents over for it!! I am so excited/ecstatic to see my parents!! They are the most amazing people in this world!! To add a cherry on top, I'm going with my sister to Arizona for Thanksgiving! So now I'm just trying to stay caught up on all my homework before I leave. I can't wait to see my brothers and my sister in laws and all the kids! I love hanging out with my family. There is nothing better! Don't worry, I will inform you of all the adventures! ;]

happiness.. it's real!

I LOVE my family!! Seriously how is it possible to be blessed with the most special people as my family members? Today was a long anticipated day that I really wanted to be over with. A few weeks ago I had gotten a phone call from my brother. I was totally taken off guard because as I was talking to my brother Eric, I realized it was really the Bishop calling to talk to me! (yes my brother is my Bishop :) He asked if I'd speak in our ward. I was in complete shock. I seriously couldn't answer him. I just sat there on the phone in silence. Thinking he can't really think I can do this right? Then he said, Jolayne you will do a great job, I know you will. I was like he is serious! haha So anyway of course I accepted setting all fear aside. Well, attempting to set all fear aside. I couldn't help the fact that I panick, worry and stress out about every little detail of everything I do. I spent so much time trying to prepare for it. Searching all different talks and trying to find the exact information I wanted to cover. I found some great insights and I'm so happy it's over with. This really was an amazing opportunity for me to learn, study and grow. I'm so grateful Eric had faith in me that I could do it. He didn't doubt me for a minute, I still can't believe it. I know many people probably don't get as scared as I was but I really feel so good that I did it! I was so excited because my sister Christa came with her whole family. I couldn't believe she came at 9 in the morning from SLC with her husband and 3 little ones. I love her so much! My family is always there for me giving support and no cost. I am truly blessed. I hope they all know I am here just the same! I felt the presence of my mom and dad there in the congregation. It was the strangest thing. But it really helped me feel comforted and confident. I am so grateful for this church and the Gospel!! It can only bring HAPPINESS to our lives! I love my Savior so much. I am so grateful to be on the road I am on and learning these amazing lessons that I will have with me my whole life. Here are a few pictures from today. Enjoy!


pic #1.. My sis Christa always does something random when I'm trying to take a picture! Little sneak ;)

Changing of the seasons, I love Autumn!

I love being outside. Whether it's sunny, rainy, cloudy, overcast.. being outside makes me happy :] This colorful sunrise was at 6am when me and my beehives were getting ready to to go girls camp this summer.

My brother Eric and his family and I went camping up Payson Canyon this summer. We saw the most beautiful sunsets and it was absolutely gorgeous during the day.

This was at Payson Lakes, it was gorgeous! We were in the canoe fishing and we saw a bear on the shore! I think I was the most scared :]



I usually take the long drive home when I come home from school. It's so pretty out here. I have taken so many pictures of the views I have just on my drive home cause it's beautiful!





These pictures I took the other day when a rainstorm we were having took a little break. I love the coloring of the leaves with the yellow and green. Autumn is beautiful! I think the changing of the seasons is such a beautiful thing to watch. I love when the leaves fall but there are still some on the trees, so pretty!






I am so grateful for all the beauty on the earth, it truly brings a smile to my face. We live really close to the Great Salt Lake and I go there any chance I get cause it's so peaceful. Unfortunately I don't have a picture to share! Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

My Plan

Where is my place, where should I be, what is my purpose, should I be doing things differently, why do I feel I don't belong anywhere.. these are questions and thoughts I often ask myself. They are hard to admit to other people because I want to be strong. I want to be someone with a plan. Someone who has and knows their own direction. I wish this were easier for me. Life is such a conquest. I'm doing and trying everything I possibly can to be a better person. I try so hard to keep an eternal perspective and remember my purpose. Sometimes it's just so hard. I feel so lost sometimes I feel like why am I even here? I'm doing great things in my life that I never thought would be possible. I just need to recognize where I have been and where I am now and be so grateful for the miracle I have witnessed in my life. When I spoke my feelings out loud last night the words that were said back to me were so endearing. I need to remember I have come so unbelievably far from where I was at the beginning of this year. I am actually living and trying to embrace my life rather than be numb to everyone and everything in it. Some days its so hard to get myself out of bed. My nephews have even commented sometimes how I hide out in my room. It's so embarrassing but I know I need to hear it, even from my sweet 5 year old nephew. So I obviously still struggle with facing life as much as I hate to show it. I want to be strong like my family members and make my parents and brothers and sisters proud. Everyone has had so much faith in me and it's made my own faith in myself so much stronger. I would not be trying to live my life if it weren't for them. I am truly blessed to be here and I know it. I know my Father in heaven loves me and wants me to hold on and trust in Him. I had to leave my whole life behind in Logan. Work, friends, my town house I lived in.. I sold my car, got rid of my Iphone.. I really can't say that it was all a "sacrifice". This experience has taught me that materialistic things are really not important. I had to do it to save my life. Without my family it would have never happened. After a really hard night last night I am just so grateful that my family doesn't look at me like a failure. I can wake up in the morning and force myself to get ready and know that there is someone who believes in me. These are all thoughts that are stuck in my head, I'm just trying to get out of this low I've been stuck in. We all struggle in one way or another, I know that one day we will overcome. It's all about patience.

Real Life

I love to read novels. This is one I just finished. If you love your ancestry like I do and you're Irish or English you will love this book. And a major plus is if you love horses! A lot of the spare time I have I end up with my nose in a book not caring about much else. I love being so taken in by a great story. When you just can't set your book down. When you are gone for work or school for the day you just can't wait to get some time to just forget about "Real Life". That's when I dive right back into a story that has struck my life in someway and left an impact. Sometimes I feel it can be a bad thing because it's easy to lose your self in a book and mindlessly forget about putting effort forth to be social in your actual life. {Anyone who knows me knows I'm really bad at this!} This is going to sound corny but honestly I am not a character in one of my books! I feel so much like them sometimes that it seems real. When I'm so involved in a great read I compare it to my life in different aspects. It changes my view sometimes on what I think might really happen to me. I think it can be good and bad. Most importantly I just have to remember that I have no control over what someone else said or does. People are going to disappoint you and you may even disappoint yourself sometimes. That is the beauty of life, we don't know what is going to happen! Some people like me that might feel like not knowing the future is a heavy burden and it causes you to stress and worry cause you're not sure how to be prepared for the unknown. That's why books are so liberating because you can just escape and forget about the day to day anxiety you feel about things. It's so important to always remember that we all have a purpose. We are each special in our own way and give meaning to life that we don't even realize. We are ALL apart of the plan. I'm so grateful for amazing writers who have the talent to draw my mind away from the things of the world and help me feel uplifted. I just have to remember to enjoy my "Real Life" at the same time. :)

Quote: "I Am A Man Of Memories"

Yesterday was such a special day. It started out pretty normal. I was watching Annie while Tanya & Eric took all the boys up the mountains to chop wood. They were gone most of the day. Tanya and I were planning to meet my sister Christa at the Conference center for the General Relief Society meeting. We were both running a little late but as soon as we were ready we were out the door! Driving from Payson to SLC takes about a hour. We had a close call, there could have been an accident but honestly we really feel we must have had angels with us. That was the first thing Tanya said to me after the meeting and I couldn't agree with her more. We were suppose to be there for that meeting. Just the feeling in the room alone was so serene. Nothing else in the world came to my mind or mattered to me. Words were spoken and I know I was hearing what the Lord needed me to through his valiant servants. I was so inspired listening to Julie B. Beck talk about the history of Relief Society. She said that studying our history helps us learn who we are. It is our responsibility to do our part in the Plan of Salvation. By rising above personal disasters and by strengthening faith and serving others we are working as the Lords hands. I love when she stated "Repair daughters of God to prepare for eternal life- is the purpose of Relief Society." I just had this feeling that I must and need to reach out to others as so many have graciously helped me find peace in my life. I was one who needed repair and I am now seeing and experiencing a whole side of life I was choosing to live with out. Repentance is so real. Forgiveness & Acceptance are such a huge part of the LDS church. We must ACT. When the Prophet stood at the podium my eyes could hide no tears. I was completely consumed by the spirit. This is the greatest feeling that exists! No doubt, wonder, guilt, anxiety.. just pure peace. One of the first things he said was "I am a man of memories." I loved it. He is such a loving man. He shared memorable experiences with us. This was the first time I had the feeling that I knew he was a man of God. He is the Prophet right now for a reason. I felt so much love and compassion for him. He explained about our thoughts and how we view each other. He said that "dirty windows make us think that the laundry we see on the line is dirty." There is no way we can know anothers circumstance or intention by their appearance. JUDGE NOT. "Judging by appearance is such a poor measure of a person." We have heard many times "Charity is the pure love of Christ." True charity is love in action. It is so important to remember others and to reach out to them. Everyone on this earth needs the loving support of someone else. I am so grateful for such a strong, spiritual giant leading and setting an example for us. President Monson left us with these words "I pray that heavens blessings may ever be yours." I thought it was beautiful! I left that meeting wanting to be a better person who is not afraid to accept any human being that I meet on my path in life.

The Power of Family

Serioulsy I have to say I have the most amazing/awesome family EVER!! I stayed at my sister Christa's last night in Salt Lake. We took the kids to the Gateway, let them play in the water, went shopping, got pizza plus I can't forget our diet coke and fresca! We also rented a movie and watched our favorite tv shows. I must say it was a fabulous night. Chrissy also made her famous rice crispies that I could not stop eating! We never get to just hangout and chill so I was loving it! Although I did have to keep peeking over at her during the movie to make sure she didn't fall asleep on me ;) Spending time with my family is definitely my favorite thing to do. Over anything else I know that I am the happiest when I'm with them. And plus they are such funny people! We just laugh and have a good time. I'm just so lucky and grateful to have my brothers and sisters as my best friends. They are so down to earth and always bring back to what life is really about. My life would not be the same with out them. They have and still do make such an impact in my life. When Chris went to bed I was going through her laptop and found all these old pictures. So all of them are hers. I decided to post them for memory sake and so I would have them.



This was a very special time in April of this year. I was so blessed to have all my family with me. There is nothing like it when we are all together.

This is all us kids in order from right to left. Yes we are backwards!

Jojo, Trav and Colyn.. this is one of my favorite pics. This is in Az.

My Daddy and I out by our pasture in College Ward


Christa and Malia visiting Grandpa & either Henry or Jameson , can't tell from this pic & yes I named them!



Love my Sister


Me and Trav at an Angels game in California one year when we were camping out at the beach
My beautiful-gorgeous-talented-caring-amazing sister!! She just had her birthday. This pic is right after I cut about nine inches off her hair. She always looks great no matter what length her hair is at. She has the most beautiful hair. Since she had her b-day I just wanted to take this chance to say how grateful I am to have her in my life. She has done so much for me. She has always been one of my greatest examples. I only hope that I can emulate her one day. It's so funny because no matter where we go people always think I'm the mom of her kids and she's younger than me. What can I say she is small and petite and will always look young! What a lucky girl. Love you sis.
Grandma and baby Malia

Me, Chris & Malia soakin up the sun in Bear Lake

Us in Brianhead
This is typical Christa when I want a good picture taken!! She thinks she is funny! ;)


This is when Christa was pregnant with her first, Malia. We were at her baby shower in Az at my sister in law Stacy's. And this is Charlotte my other sister! Today is her birthday!! This woman is so completely amazing-genuine-empathetic-crafty and loving! She always calls herself my second mom. I love it. We are 18 years apart and we have a special relationship. It's so funny that we are so far apart in age but we are also so much a like. We have a lot of the same interests and personality traits. I remember when I lived in New York she would always write to me and send packages. I use to put her oldest, Tyler who is 15 now to sleep when I rocked him on my knees. I will never forget how she made me feel so loved when I was across the states. Love you Char Char!!

Sisters in Az at Colyn & Cassies

Me and baby Izzy
Chris, Mama and Izzy boy

Christmas open house at Secret Haven a few years ago
LOVE you my sweet family!! Including my amazing sis & bro in laws and all our beautiful grandchildren

Body Image

Hello my friends and fam!! Life has been crazy busy lately. I'm in college full time, {LOVING it!} and working of course. So far I absolutely love gaining wisdom and knowledge in my academics. I especially love my writing class. Which brings me to a topic I want to write about, Body Image. If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder or known someone who has then you definitely know what I'm talking about. It can effect the clothes you wear, the places you will go or not go, your social life, love life and even your family life and so much more. You could be body checking all the time and not even notice. When I lived in Logan for a lot of the time I was so obsessed with my body. I never felt fit enough or pretty enough. Quite plainly there wasn't much I liked about myself. Not to mention I had the worst relationship with food. That might sound crazy or odd if you have never encountered this subject before but it is extremely serious. So many woman and teenagers die from starving themselves, either with Anorexia or Bulimia. You can end up gaining excess weight from where you weighed in before and be more depressed. It is a very sad mental illness. These woman and young girls constantly think about food and their bodies all day long. Forget tests at school, things they need to accomplish for work and spending time with friends or family. They are usually spending close to 100 percent of their time focusing on how they can accomplish their goal weight. Which is usually never small enough. They think if they're meeting friends for lunch or dinner how soon can they make it to a restroom alone after they've eaten? What excuses can they tell to avoid any sight of food? They can be so depressed sitting alone in their room they are perfectly content thinking about and studying their own body dreaming of how they can achieve perfection. Hours will pass just sitting in silence and you won't even notice or care because you are consumed by apathy. They can be overly dedicated and obsessed with working out to try and cope with their problem's with food and their bodies. After working in a treatment center for eating disorders and after continuous research on how to cope and change I just want to publicly stress the importance of your body and those around you. In my class we are studying the affect the media has on women in our culture and it is so sad. From each end of the spectrum in magazines, t.v., film, modeling, advertisements etc.. we see that in everything "slim is sexy". We are trained on dieting and knowing how many different types of surgeries there are out there. What if we didn't compare ourselves to today's standard in the world? I think women would be more confident, driven, have more ambition to attaining and accomplishing goals. Of course it's important to be healthy! We all need to take care of our bodies and have physical activity to be fit. It sais it all in the word of wisdom. But to what extent, which degree is too far? I had a best friend of mine tell me she couldn't even eat her birthday cake because she was getting a guilty feeling just looking at it. She said it was the strangest thing. She had never felt that way before. At that point all I could think to myself was NO! I can't let this happen to her. That's how every minute of every day was for me. Even buying one thing at the check out at the grocery store whether it was veggies or raisin bran I felt like a fatty and guilty just for buying food. We need to appreciate our bodies. We all look a little different and that is the beauty of life. Different shapes, sizes, heights and even our builds or completely different. In the Latin world as Alisa Valdes writes in "My hips, My Caderas" from the Contemporary Reader she talks about being half Cuban and half White. In the American white world she is judged for looking fat and not being a small enough size. Where as, in the Latin world men and women love her shape. In their culture and others hips are in. Women are valued for traditional roles of mother and caregiver and can dance the salsa and shake their booty. "In other cultures like {ours/mine} these roles, mother and caregiver have broken down and women try to be like men were in traditional societies-- i.e., have jobs- hips are out". It is so sad and disappointing to me how the world we live in portrays women. Having a family and children is just not important the media or world. They try to tell us that "beauty is happiness, the right labels mean success and the right look means acceptance". Our society is just so caught up in itself. I have had my dream career for seven years and now I'm back in school because I want to learn more. I think a driven woman who educates her self and attains an esteemed career is highly admirable. It is just so sad what the pressures of the world can do to do girls as young as I've seen is eleven and to women through out their lives. It's been proven that "U.S. residents are now exposed to 3,000 to 5,000 advertisements a day. As many per year as those living half a century ago". (C.R.) I just wish there was a way to change the views of magazines etc.. and the messages they send to men and women. This is something I feel seriously about. I could go on forever. Here are just a couple quotes that help strengthen me and maybe men and women out there. "I choose to live by choice, not by chance; to make changes, not excuses; to be motivated, not manipulated; to be useful, not used; to excel, not compete. I choose self-esteem, not self-pity. I choose to listen to the inner voice, not random opinions." Unknown "Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do in our own?" Brigham young

All things broken..

My heart is so full. I have to share my gratitude. I have made so many big decisions over the summer. I wasn't working for a long time. I was focusing on getting my life back together and strengthening myself spiritually and physically to have the courage to take on life again. I have gone through a remarkable change. Some maybe have never had the desire to give up on life. A lot of great people in my life are so strong and have stayed so close to the Lord that they have never felt the awful feeling of deserting everything they ever knew. I admire them so much. I have been doing all that I am capable of to show the Lord I am forever on His side. That I never want to choose darkness again, even if in a weak moment I feel giving in would just be easier. It is always more difficult and heart breaking to recover and rebuild yourself once the adversary is through with you. We all have something to live for. It is times like these we can learn and grow. We can prepare ourselves to reach out and recognize those who are in deep sorrow around us. This has all been possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the Savior and the sacrifices He made for me. I start school this week. I'm going back after seven years and it's terrifying. My brother gave me a blessing tonight and I know everything he said was prompted by the spirit. One thing I must share, "All things broken can be mended through Jesus Christ". These words touched my heart. I knew they were meant specifically for me. I honestly feel I have been broken and with my family at my side I have been on the path way to be healed. If you have ever felt so low that your only option is to give up, turn to the Lord. He is waiting for You.

La Hermosa Playa Con Mi Familia y Campamento

I never planned to put pictures on my blog. Since my Madre is serving a mission in Chile, she constantly asks me to post pictures on my blog. She has this idea that blogs should just have pictures, I've tried to convince her other wise but what can I say, she's my mother & she win's. I was lucky enough to spend time with my amazing family during my summer travels therefore that is what my plethora of pictures has mainly consisted of. Thank you to Trav and Colyn for inviting me to Cali. It was unforgettable!

I love my brothers! Colyn & Travis.. Colyn was staying in Huntington and Trav was staying in Newport so they both invited me to fly out to Cali and I had the BEST time with them and their families.

The boogie boarding crew
My adorable little nephew Bear.. So stinkin cute!

Me and Bat Girl! Isn't she beautiful!? I love Livi Bug







Shopping on the boardwalk
Me and Nat were determined to get this picture just right. I love it!
This place is so good, I want to go back! Great BBQ
I heart my sister in laws. They are my best friends. I'm so grateful for them.

Me and Gracie girl at Ruby's.. such a cool place. We loved it!



The familia on the pier



Colyn burying Jaxon & Conner, they LOVED it!


Searching for crabs..
Uncle Trav found the jack pot

Jax & Conner, my hunky little nephews :)

Sweet Meda Girl, She is a doll!

Me and Colyn just chillin on the beach
Trav put on Nat's hat to try and get out of the picture, not a chance buddy!

I just figured out how to do a collage! Holla. I stayed with Colyn and Cass at this sweet Condo thanks to Christa! We had sooo much fun!


My sisters Charlotte & Christa. I LOVE them so much! It is so awesome that we are so close and years a part in age but can talk to each other about everything. We are so much a like and so different. With the Macdonald name you are bound to be down to earth. I love that we all had air dried hair from the shower :) After I went camping with Char I had one night before I left to California. That night we met Chris in Orem and went to dinner. So much fun! I have the best sisters.






My good buddy Darrin, carving away on a piece of wood
My nephew Tater Bug {Tate} Handsome little man
Me and Char Char

Me and my nephew Ty at the Quick 'N' Tasty.. So good! That's us with our Raspberry Fizz'..mmm so de-lish. I use to rock this boy to sleep when he was a baby. It still freaks me out to hear him talk!


My Sis Charlotte came from California to go to her husband's family reunion at Beaver Mtn. I went up with them and crashed the reunion to camp for the weekend. Little did I know my cousin Michael Duncan would be there crashing the reunion with his best friend Darrin also :)
This is my old house in College Ward. I had to go by and check on our garden and flowers for mi Madre. I was taking pictures and the new owners came outside and were like "Why are you taking pictures of our house?" haha I said this is MY house yo! Just kidding, they ended up inviting me in and were so sweet. I will definitely be back there to visit and check on my rustic red room that I miss very much!
This is the view right as you come out of the mouth of the Canyon and into Cache Valley. This was my home for a long time. I always loved getting out of the canyon and seeing home. It was nice to drive through by myself and savor the moment.